I can't help the fact that I love pop music so much... especially my pop diva's. I try to be cool about it but new music just makes my blood pulse faster; makes me feel more alive.
Rihanna's new single "We found love". My dj friend Calvin introduced me to this song. Happy and fresh.
Anyway I listen to this song and reflect.
I recently got the chance to talk to to some one as introspective as I am who reminded me that "listening to your inner voice is the greatest vessel in providing grace, peace, and harmony." These days I find myself on very exciting terrain: exploring all my talents and running as far as possible with them clenched in my hands. It's easy to get lost. As a matter of fact I feel more lost than found lately. And I think it's beautiful. It's forcing me to ask so many questions. I'm changing and I can feel it. Two years ago... I was in love with a wonderful person.... and it was "enough". Though in the back of my mind I knew that I was not the person who I needed to be. I knew this deep down because any time people would ask me about me as an actor or as an artist in general I would get angry inside. I had turned my back on the creator inside of me and I was okay with it for a while, until I wasn't.
So here I am lost and kind of loving it. For the first time the relationship I'm in is with myself. And I listen to this song:
What it takes to come alive
So over the past year and half I've been figuring out how to love me best. I found love in a hopeless place.
In a year and half this is where my "Self Love Journey" took me... And to any one who knows me out there... I already know you're wondering how I could love myself ANY MORE!!!! haha.
Side note: This photo I love and add to this post. It was taken by my friends Lloyd and Gaston who were celebrating their 23rd anniversary at Xes last night. But this photo reminds me of Edvard Munch's "the Scream". It is a perfect reference for this.
Find something you love
Step one: Search. It was the beginning of the summer of 2010. I was recently single. I had just spent half a year rehabilitating my arm after and injury at the gym. I was back in shape. And once again... lost. I remember being on the phone with my mom and recognizing that I needed to do something DIFFERENT.... anything! I didn't feel the need to walk in any given direction and was waiting for a sign. And my mom said to me "You know sometimes you don't know which way to go, you just have to take a step." So directly after the phone call I wrote an email to one of my favorite photographers Rick Day. I told him how much I admired his work and asked if it would be possible to come "intern" maybe twice a week with him and his assistant Steve. Rick got back to me that day and welcomed me to the team. As I read his response to my email, I was scared immediately. I knew this was good! So for 6 months, I would work Sunday night at my bar until 4am, wake up early Monday and go all the way downtown to Rick's studio. I got to meet very interesting people: models, make up artists, stylists, other photographers and artists, producers, and I witnessed how passionate these people were about what they did. While I began to realize photography was not my passion, I got high off of everyone else. I think it was the first time I could feel myself changing. I knew photography was not "my thing" though.
Step Two: Take another step. So as my passion for working with Rick was fading and I could feel myself getting tired of waking up early and heading downtown, I was offered the opportunity to work back stage on an off-broadway show. So I took it. I hated it immediately... but the bonus was that I was working with extremely talented people. So while I really dis-liked all the hard work that went into setting up and striking a show I was around inspiring people who constantly inspired me.
Step Three: Listen to your inner voice. In December of 2010, I had explored two jobs that were outside my comfort zone. I was proud of myself. I had a growing desire to acquire music. I think music at this time for me was my high. I thought it would be fun to start making my own music videos. Simultaneously my boss was looking for a way to re vamp the bar I work. New Years Eve was a great night for me. I was with my co workers WORKING, not a care in the world. Being silly as ever. The door guy Luis had bought a high power flashlight that had the setting to strobe also. I thought it was so cool.I kept stealing it from him and dancing around the bar when I was supposed to be pouring drinks. The customers loved it. It was so "gay". If I could take that energy and channel it into Saturday nights.... it was sure to be a success. Let's give the bar a facelift and do something fun and different I thought. So I designed a party called "Strobe". My first music video was a promotion with the staff that I posted all over facebook. That was the first video I ever did AND I LOVED IT! I remember finishing it sometime in January at the bar and jumping up and going crazy like a little kid. By the time "Strobe" premiered at Xes in March of 2011. I had completed 4 original music videos to pop songs for use at Xes. I had posted 6 Strobe promotional videos via facebook tagging ALL of my friends.... once with a rude response asking never to be tagged again. I had repainted the inside of the bar, restrung lights, built curtain paneling to separate the space, hung lanterns, and strobe lights. I was proud of myself.
Step Four: When you're onto something don't let go.
The...... let's call it "up keep" for a Saturday night party is a lot of work. And so while my desire to keep promoting and expending energy on "Strobe" faded.... my desire to create music videos persisted.... in waves. I was at a low point one Saturday and some one asked me how I was and I said "Miserable." They explained to me how they write every morning upon waking. I incorporated this philosophy the very next day. And within 24 hours my perspective changed. By waking up and writing I was able to vent, analyze, and pray at the same time. It was the first time the past year had suddenly made a lot of sense and I was very quickly becoming very grateful for all of it. I began making music videos again.... that were better. That people really responded to. I decided to start a business. I decided to write a book. I began blogging. For the first time in a long time I began making hangable art. I began connecting with very talented people...one who is a song writer who's music video I am premiering next month.
Step Five: Accept where you are and make lemonade.
With all of this creative energy swirling about me, sometimes I get lost. I feel very different. Once a hopeless romantic searching for love, it's very rare these days that I'm even impressed when going on a date with some one. Part of me is saddened by this and feels dare I say "jaded". The thought of being a 29 year old jaded human being kills me. But then I take a step back a realize... this is a different space for me.... one where I have the room to explore the most important person in my life- me. And so while that is not always easy for me, I have come to accept and appreciate that these days my heart is in the fridge. I suspect that one hot day (this is all a metaphor------ stay with me) i will be in the mood to open that fridge and crack it open. And the timing will be right. As for now I am content to be selfish.
Step six: Why there are six steps I don't know. I'm Frank Boccia and that's as high as I counted today. You might have more or less. But the most important step of all in "finding love in a hopeless place"......................
Give yourself credit.
Rihanna's new single "We found love". My dj friend Calvin introduced me to this song. Happy and fresh.
Anyway I listen to this song and reflect.
I recently got the chance to talk to to some one as introspective as I am who reminded me that "listening to your inner voice is the greatest vessel in providing grace, peace, and harmony." These days I find myself on very exciting terrain: exploring all my talents and running as far as possible with them clenched in my hands. It's easy to get lost. As a matter of fact I feel more lost than found lately. And I think it's beautiful. It's forcing me to ask so many questions. I'm changing and I can feel it. Two years ago... I was in love with a wonderful person.... and it was "enough". Though in the back of my mind I knew that I was not the person who I needed to be. I knew this deep down because any time people would ask me about me as an actor or as an artist in general I would get angry inside. I had turned my back on the creator inside of me and I was okay with it for a while, until I wasn't.
So here I am lost and kind of loving it. For the first time the relationship I'm in is with myself. And I listen to this song:What it takes to come alive
It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny
But I’ve gotta let it go
But I’ve gotta let it go
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
Shine a light through an open door
Love and life I will divide
Turn away cause I need you more
Feel the heartbeat in my mind......
Love and life I will divide
Turn away cause I need you more
Feel the heartbeat in my mind......
In a year and half this is where my "Self Love Journey" took me... And to any one who knows me out there... I already know you're wondering how I could love myself ANY MORE!!!! haha.
Side note: This photo I love and add to this post. It was taken by my friends Lloyd and Gaston who were celebrating their 23rd anniversary at Xes last night. But this photo reminds me of Edvard Munch's "the Scream". It is a perfect reference for this.
Find something you love
Step one: Search. It was the beginning of the summer of 2010. I was recently single. I had just spent half a year rehabilitating my arm after and injury at the gym. I was back in shape. And once again... lost. I remember being on the phone with my mom and recognizing that I needed to do something DIFFERENT.... anything! I didn't feel the need to walk in any given direction and was waiting for a sign. And my mom said to me "You know sometimes you don't know which way to go, you just have to take a step." So directly after the phone call I wrote an email to one of my favorite photographers Rick Day. I told him how much I admired his work and asked if it would be possible to come "intern" maybe twice a week with him and his assistant Steve. Rick got back to me that day and welcomed me to the team. As I read his response to my email, I was scared immediately. I knew this was good! So for 6 months, I would work Sunday night at my bar until 4am, wake up early Monday and go all the way downtown to Rick's studio. I got to meet very interesting people: models, make up artists, stylists, other photographers and artists, producers, and I witnessed how passionate these people were about what they did. While I began to realize photography was not my passion, I got high off of everyone else. I think it was the first time I could feel myself changing. I knew photography was not "my thing" though.
Step Two: Take another step. So as my passion for working with Rick was fading and I could feel myself getting tired of waking up early and heading downtown, I was offered the opportunity to work back stage on an off-broadway show. So I took it. I hated it immediately... but the bonus was that I was working with extremely talented people. So while I really dis-liked all the hard work that went into setting up and striking a show I was around inspiring people who constantly inspired me.
Step Three: Listen to your inner voice. In December of 2010, I had explored two jobs that were outside my comfort zone. I was proud of myself. I had a growing desire to acquire music. I think music at this time for me was my high. I thought it would be fun to start making my own music videos. Simultaneously my boss was looking for a way to re vamp the bar I work. New Years Eve was a great night for me. I was with my co workers WORKING, not a care in the world. Being silly as ever. The door guy Luis had bought a high power flashlight that had the setting to strobe also. I thought it was so cool.I kept stealing it from him and dancing around the bar when I was supposed to be pouring drinks. The customers loved it. It was so "gay". If I could take that energy and channel it into Saturday nights.... it was sure to be a success. Let's give the bar a facelift and do something fun and different I thought. So I designed a party called "Strobe". My first music video was a promotion with the staff that I posted all over facebook. That was the first video I ever did AND I LOVED IT! I remember finishing it sometime in January at the bar and jumping up and going crazy like a little kid. By the time "Strobe" premiered at Xes in March of 2011. I had completed 4 original music videos to pop songs for use at Xes. I had posted 6 Strobe promotional videos via facebook tagging ALL of my friends.... once with a rude response asking never to be tagged again. I had repainted the inside of the bar, restrung lights, built curtain paneling to separate the space, hung lanterns, and strobe lights. I was proud of myself.
Step Four: When you're onto something don't let go.
The...... let's call it "up keep" for a Saturday night party is a lot of work. And so while my desire to keep promoting and expending energy on "Strobe" faded.... my desire to create music videos persisted.... in waves. I was at a low point one Saturday and some one asked me how I was and I said "Miserable." They explained to me how they write every morning upon waking. I incorporated this philosophy the very next day. And within 24 hours my perspective changed. By waking up and writing I was able to vent, analyze, and pray at the same time. It was the first time the past year had suddenly made a lot of sense and I was very quickly becoming very grateful for all of it. I began making music videos again.... that were better. That people really responded to. I decided to start a business. I decided to write a book. I began blogging. For the first time in a long time I began making hangable art. I began connecting with very talented people...one who is a song writer who's music video I am premiering next month.
Step Five: Accept where you are and make lemonade.
With all of this creative energy swirling about me, sometimes I get lost. I feel very different. Once a hopeless romantic searching for love, it's very rare these days that I'm even impressed when going on a date with some one. Part of me is saddened by this and feels dare I say "jaded". The thought of being a 29 year old jaded human being kills me. But then I take a step back a realize... this is a different space for me.... one where I have the room to explore the most important person in my life- me. And so while that is not always easy for me, I have come to accept and appreciate that these days my heart is in the fridge. I suspect that one hot day (this is all a metaphor------ stay with me) i will be in the mood to open that fridge and crack it open. And the timing will be right. As for now I am content to be selfish.
Step six: Why there are six steps I don't know. I'm Frank Boccia and that's as high as I counted today. You might have more or less. But the most important step of all in "finding love in a hopeless place"......................
Give yourself credit.
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