About three years ago I had the worst nightmare of my life.
It all began when a good friend of mine was reading "The Secret". His world was changing right before his very eyes just by changing his perspective. I watched things change for him. As a matter of fact he started a "vision board" with a photograph of an actor he admired and less than three months later he was playing a role that the actor made famous. I witnessed the miracle and therefore decided to begin reading "The Secret".
At first, it seemed repetitive. It explained the law of attraction over and over. You get what you give. Such a simple concept. And so I slowly read on putting the book down here and there.
I'll never forget the night I didn't put the small book down. I was laying in bed feeling relaxed when something in me clicked. What I was reading made sense. It was as if the repetitiveness was a necessary tool in cracking though the walls I had built around my sense of worth. Possibly for the first time I let myself dream and believe I could in fact be whatever I wanted to be, do what ever I wanted to do, love who ever I wanted to love; as if I was a forgotten god who realized what he actually was. It was with out a doubt one of the most peaceful moments in my life. It literally felt as if I had unlocked a door inside myself that released endorphins throughout my body. My body, my mind, and my soul were all telling me "Go for it". And I believed them. I fell asleep in what could only be described as "THE MOST ZEN" state I've ever been in.
I awoke in the middle of the night from the worst nightmare of my ENTIRE LIFE.
The nightmare:
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my brother's old pick up truck. A professor of mine from college is driving. We are on the street where I grew up. It is night time. As we approach my house I notice that the neighborhood is still and silent. As I look around and as we get closer and closer I realize there are no lights on. We are two houses away from mine when I see four figures out in front of my mom's house standing in the street. I try to squint to make out who they are. I sense danger. We are now very close and I can see even in the darkness that the figures are unlike anything I have ever seen. They are shadows. And I can feel the hostility in a way that words could never express. I remember thinking in the dream, "HOLY SHIT...What the fuck are those things? They are going to kill me!" I scream out to my professor to "BACK UP". He seems confused, almost as if he can not quite make out the figures himself. He slows down a bit as I continue to scream. This all happens very fast. As we arrive to my mom's house we are now directly in front of the figures. Do you remember the bad guy in Terminator 2 and how he was like this liquid shape shifting thing? Well these shadows were like that BUT DARK and they jumped on the hood of the truck and violently began pounding on the truck with the force of a bulldozer. One of them broke through the windshield and as he began pouring himself into the truck to kill me I woke up.
When I woke up, I felt as though I had just stared evil in the face and lived to tell about it. It was so scary and so real. I have had a lot of nightmares in my life and a lot of dreams in my life. There are two dreams that feel as though they have transported me to another place and this was the first nightmare that felt that way.
It was so weird to me that I had gone to sleep just a few hours prior to this, in what was the most peaceful state I had ever experienced.
So every once in a while I asked people what they made of all this. I've gotten interpretations ranging from "It was the Devil challenging you" to "It's the duality of the universe. When you let so much good in, it leaves room for the bad" to "Shadows represent the unknown" to "Your ego was fighting for it's life". All of these made sense.
So three years later I am researching it. And this is what I found on the internet at the first sight I looked up.
Three years later I am still wondering. Maybe it's because I spent 29 years trying to figure myself out and I'm still not sure who I am. You find something, or some one you love, and then things change. You change. You get inspired and then uninspired.
Today I am uninspired.
It all began when a good friend of mine was reading "The Secret". His world was changing right before his very eyes just by changing his perspective. I watched things change for him. As a matter of fact he started a "vision board" with a photograph of an actor he admired and less than three months later he was playing a role that the actor made famous. I witnessed the miracle and therefore decided to begin reading "The Secret".
At first, it seemed repetitive. It explained the law of attraction over and over. You get what you give. Such a simple concept. And so I slowly read on putting the book down here and there.
I'll never forget the night I didn't put the small book down. I was laying in bed feeling relaxed when something in me clicked. What I was reading made sense. It was as if the repetitiveness was a necessary tool in cracking though the walls I had built around my sense of worth. Possibly for the first time I let myself dream and believe I could in fact be whatever I wanted to be, do what ever I wanted to do, love who ever I wanted to love; as if I was a forgotten god who realized what he actually was. It was with out a doubt one of the most peaceful moments in my life. It literally felt as if I had unlocked a door inside myself that released endorphins throughout my body. My body, my mind, and my soul were all telling me "Go for it". And I believed them. I fell asleep in what could only be described as "THE MOST ZEN" state I've ever been in.
I awoke in the middle of the night from the worst nightmare of my ENTIRE LIFE.
The nightmare:
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my brother's old pick up truck. A professor of mine from college is driving. We are on the street where I grew up. It is night time. As we approach my house I notice that the neighborhood is still and silent. As I look around and as we get closer and closer I realize there are no lights on. We are two houses away from mine when I see four figures out in front of my mom's house standing in the street. I try to squint to make out who they are. I sense danger. We are now very close and I can see even in the darkness that the figures are unlike anything I have ever seen. They are shadows. And I can feel the hostility in a way that words could never express. I remember thinking in the dream, "HOLY SHIT...What the fuck are those things? They are going to kill me!" I scream out to my professor to "BACK UP". He seems confused, almost as if he can not quite make out the figures himself. He slows down a bit as I continue to scream. This all happens very fast. As we arrive to my mom's house we are now directly in front of the figures. Do you remember the bad guy in Terminator 2 and how he was like this liquid shape shifting thing? Well these shadows were like that BUT DARK and they jumped on the hood of the truck and violently began pounding on the truck with the force of a bulldozer. One of them broke through the windshield and as he began pouring himself into the truck to kill me I woke up.
When I woke up, I felt as though I had just stared evil in the face and lived to tell about it. It was so scary and so real. I have had a lot of nightmares in my life and a lot of dreams in my life. There are two dreams that feel as though they have transported me to another place and this was the first nightmare that felt that way.
It was so weird to me that I had gone to sleep just a few hours prior to this, in what was the most peaceful state I had ever experienced.
So every once in a while I asked people what they made of all this. I've gotten interpretations ranging from "It was the Devil challenging you" to "It's the duality of the universe. When you let so much good in, it leaves room for the bad" to "Shadows represent the unknown" to "Your ego was fighting for it's life". All of these made sense.
So three years later I am researching it. And this is what I found on the internet at the first sight I looked up.
To see you own shadow in your dream, signifies an aspect of yourself which you have not acknowledged or recognized. It may be a quality about yourself or a part of you that you are rejecting or want to keep hidden. These qualities may not necessary be negative, but can be creative ones. Alternatively, the dream may mean that you are in someone else's shadow. You are constantly being overlooked and are fed up with it.
To see a shadowy figure in your dream, represents characteristics which you have not acknowledged or incorporated into your own personality. Alternatively, it symbolizes the young, the helpless or the under-developed.
Three years later I am still wondering. Maybe it's because I spent 29 years trying to figure myself out and I'm still not sure who I am. You find something, or some one you love, and then things change. You change. You get inspired and then uninspired.
Today I am uninspired.
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