There was an earthquake in NYC today. I was in the subway on my way downtown. I had no idea it even occurred. It wasn't until I was at the barber at approximately 2 pm that we all heard about it over the radio. Facebook was a buzz with the news as well.
Later, every one at the bar was talking about this. Some buildings were evacuated, the Holland Tunnel was closed multiple times, and flights were cancelled. Some people explained it as a feeling of vertigo. One of my friends said he wasn't too worried evacuating his building until he saw the high heels scattered down the stairwell.
And this got me to thinking. What if. What if it was worse?
Sometimes bad things happen... even to good people. And when I really sat back and thought of the potential an earthquake could've had on NYC... I was so grateful that it wasn't worse.
I finished work around 10 pm and went to eat a wrap nearby. There were two women chatting about motherhood and the stress of it all. Bu they were doing it in a funny way so I couldn't help but eavesdrop. The one mother was saying "I'm just so tired. I'm not a Robot. They never realized how much I did for them and now I just don't have the energy." The two women were venting in the most lovingly way and laughing here and there about it. And this got me to thinking about children.
Being a dad was always part of my fantasy as a teenager. I loved kids... being that I was the youngest of four boys I never really got to even hold a baby until I was a teenager. And kids have always thought I was funny. So naturally I just always assumed I would want a family one day.
And I'll never forget the whole "coming out of the closet thing" and battling with feelings of being unworthy of having a family. I was lucky to have amazing family, friends, and even faculty during this process. I was in college and I asked one of my professors who I adored (Dawn) if she thought it would be okay to one day bring up a child with another man. And she said of course. I'll never forget what a non- issue it was for her. As a matter of fact her daughter who was just under my age had had a best friend with two dads. It was an important moment in my life where my consciousness began to shift. And I ultimately learned to just love me for me and feel the worthiness of everything I could ever want.
And then I fell in love. And the things that I experienced and endured were beyond what I could've imagined. Falling in love is like holding an extremely powerful mirror up to your soul. You see sides of yourself you never saw before. You learn and with luck you grow and you don't regret a second of it.
And while I was learning about my own love. My brother and his wife were having their very first baby. I'll never forget how beautiful he was when I got to hold him at the hospital. I was so excited to be an uncle. And then reality slowly crept in. The reality that this was a life to be responsible for and to care for. A life that needed to be fed, and held, and loved, that keeps you up all night sometimes. My sister in law "lost" so much sleep. That thought alone terrified me. In babysitting for them, I began to learn a little about the momentous responsibility having a child is. And for the first time I was turned off to the idea.
I was speaking to this same brother a few days ago (it's now five years later and he has three children) and he was telling me about his son learning to ice skate. He was watching him have so much trouble just standing on skates and no matter what he wouldn't give up on trying. No matter what he was determined to skate and by the end of their time at the rink he could skate at a decent speed with out falling. My brother was so proud. And my nephew knew it. It was beautiful.
Also just two weeks ago on my last visit upstate I got to babysit my other brother's son who is three. I took him and my mom to lunch on the river. I colored with him as we ordered food. It was a beautiful day and I had my arm around his chair and I thought to myself, "I bet people think this is my kid." And this thought made me happy.
Anyway what I'm saying is that it was nice to open up to the idea even if it was just for a minute... to realize that maybe there are things worth sacrificing for... not just children.... but relationships.... dreams.... traveling.... Sometimes these things involve sacrifice. And more often than not... the sacrifices are worth it.
Today the earth shook. It shook the city... and it shook me... without me even realizing it.
So now I'm shaking you.
Later, every one at the bar was talking about this. Some buildings were evacuated, the Holland Tunnel was closed multiple times, and flights were cancelled. Some people explained it as a feeling of vertigo. One of my friends said he wasn't too worried evacuating his building until he saw the high heels scattered down the stairwell.
And this got me to thinking. What if. What if it was worse?
Sometimes bad things happen... even to good people. And when I really sat back and thought of the potential an earthquake could've had on NYC... I was so grateful that it wasn't worse.
I finished work around 10 pm and went to eat a wrap nearby. There were two women chatting about motherhood and the stress of it all. Bu they were doing it in a funny way so I couldn't help but eavesdrop. The one mother was saying "I'm just so tired. I'm not a Robot. They never realized how much I did for them and now I just don't have the energy." The two women were venting in the most lovingly way and laughing here and there about it. And this got me to thinking about children.
Being a dad was always part of my fantasy as a teenager. I loved kids... being that I was the youngest of four boys I never really got to even hold a baby until I was a teenager. And kids have always thought I was funny. So naturally I just always assumed I would want a family one day.
And I'll never forget the whole "coming out of the closet thing" and battling with feelings of being unworthy of having a family. I was lucky to have amazing family, friends, and even faculty during this process. I was in college and I asked one of my professors who I adored (Dawn) if she thought it would be okay to one day bring up a child with another man. And she said of course. I'll never forget what a non- issue it was for her. As a matter of fact her daughter who was just under my age had had a best friend with two dads. It was an important moment in my life where my consciousness began to shift. And I ultimately learned to just love me for me and feel the worthiness of everything I could ever want.
And then I fell in love. And the things that I experienced and endured were beyond what I could've imagined. Falling in love is like holding an extremely powerful mirror up to your soul. You see sides of yourself you never saw before. You learn and with luck you grow and you don't regret a second of it.
And while I was learning about my own love. My brother and his wife were having their very first baby. I'll never forget how beautiful he was when I got to hold him at the hospital. I was so excited to be an uncle. And then reality slowly crept in. The reality that this was a life to be responsible for and to care for. A life that needed to be fed, and held, and loved, that keeps you up all night sometimes. My sister in law "lost" so much sleep. That thought alone terrified me. In babysitting for them, I began to learn a little about the momentous responsibility having a child is. And for the first time I was turned off to the idea.
I was speaking to this same brother a few days ago (it's now five years later and he has three children) and he was telling me about his son learning to ice skate. He was watching him have so much trouble just standing on skates and no matter what he wouldn't give up on trying. No matter what he was determined to skate and by the end of their time at the rink he could skate at a decent speed with out falling. My brother was so proud. And my nephew knew it. It was beautiful.
Also just two weeks ago on my last visit upstate I got to babysit my other brother's son who is three. I took him and my mom to lunch on the river. I colored with him as we ordered food. It was a beautiful day and I had my arm around his chair and I thought to myself, "I bet people think this is my kid." And this thought made me happy.
Anyway what I'm saying is that it was nice to open up to the idea even if it was just for a minute... to realize that maybe there are things worth sacrificing for... not just children.... but relationships.... dreams.... traveling.... Sometimes these things involve sacrifice. And more often than not... the sacrifices are worth it.
Today the earth shook. It shook the city... and it shook me... without me even realizing it.
So now I'm shaking you.
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