It's hard to believe that I've been living in NYC for over ten years. It's even harder to believe I've been bar tending for that long.
One decade ago, I followed my college roommates to the Big Apple upon graduating from college in Savannah GA. Even the mention of my beloved Savannah draws me into a reflective tangent: It remains ingrained on my heart and soul as the backdrop of four magical and intense years of self discovery. I'm sure any collegiate experience is such, but if you've ever had the pleasure of visiting the historical city, you know how enchanting it truly is. Anyway back to New York.
At 22 years old I lacked focus. I half heartedly wanted to become an actor. So I followed my friend Cristin to bar tending school. It seemed like the logical step. "I'm an actor. " "What restaurant do you work for?"
Bar tending school was very easy for me. It was basically just a lot of memorization. So after my week of classes, I "graduated" and with my fake resume in hand I was ready to pound the NYC pavement looking for the coveted role as a New York City bar tender. My bar tending instructor recommended that I check out Xes Lounge.
I made my way over to 24th Street on a hot summer day with my fraudulent paperwork that described multiple Hudson Valley restaurant experiences. I was both nervous and confident. I remember meeting my boss Tony on the stairwell beside the newborn bar. The first thing he asked me was, "Are you fast?" With every ounce of my being I wanted to confess, " Listen, I have zero experience... but I'll learn fast and I'll bust my ass for you." Instead I looked him dead in the eyes and replied, " Yes sir."
The rest is history. Colorful, sometimes jubilant and hilarious history. And other times dismal, aggravating, lesson learning history. But history none the less.
Somewhere in the middle of my decade long safari through New York I found a passion for producing videos. I often say I stumbled upon this desire but that is not so. After being in and out of love and two relationships, I found myself twice broken hearted and utterly lost. I had no idea what I wanted in life. The only thing I did know was that I wanted to find something... anything to make me feel whole again.
I called my mom. And I'll never forget the advice she gave me. She said, "Opportunity doesn't always magically appear in front of us. Sometimes we have to take steps into the unknown to find a path worth following." I got off the phone with her that afternoon and thought about that. I really had no clue what I wanted. But I had faith that stepping into the unknown might just be what I needed. Thus, I reached out to a photographer whom I admired and asked if I could intern with him two days a week. His name is Rick Day and he gladly welcomed me on board.
At the same time I was interning with Rick, I also helped another friend Paul backstage of an off broadway show. Six months of still photography and off broadway crew work would not turn out to be my cup of tea. But one day, I picked up my little digital camera and began filming promotions for Xes Lounge. I remember finishing my first video. It was a two minute promo which featured a bunch of the staff. I must have watched it a hundred times. Each time I watched was like the first and that feeling... that high that I experienced while watching was indescribable.
Purpose. I had found and felt purpose.
Certainly we all have purpose. But to FEEL it and to FIND it in the act of doing something you love is the name of this game called life. You can quote me. I think that happiness is paramount, but in my opinion, finding purpose is so important on our individual paths towards bliss.
There was a "problem" here though. The more I delved into this process of video production the harder it became to bar tend. The bar seemed louder. My brain functioned slower and my patience, which I "brilliantly" slapped on my arm as a reminder, dwindled.
If life was black and white, I'd label my first five years bar tending White and the past five Black. Battling my own apathy, unfortunately became a regular function for me. And with that I turned into the stereotype I promised myself a decade ago that I'd never become: THE JADED BAR TENDER. Sure there were moments of fun left, but I'm sorry to say, they were few and far between. While bar tending, my body may have been present, but the hamster running the wheel in my head had certainly left the building... and with him my heart was carried.
Balance has never been easy for me and in a very natural way these shifts in my perception of the bar tending experience nudged me along.
While the battle of "Smile while serving drinks" was going on, there was another war being waged in my mind. The war of "You don't know what you're doing."
The first time I asked for a monetary compensation for my work, I was terrified. I had the great fortune of collaborating with the singer/songwriter Mike Acerbo. He was referred to me by a customer of Xes who had seen some of my promotional videos at the bar. Mike trusted my vision and my talent. He had faith in me despite my own masked insecurities. I'm so grateful.
Thereafter, each video project I took on was very unique. However, they shared one common denominator: FEAR. I don't know if it has to do with my hyper sensitivity but with each project I acquired, the responsibility of "success" grew heavier.
The person I was most afraid to disappoint was me.
Slowly becoming aware of this has helped, but it has yet to cure me of the great expectations I place upon myself.
Failure is a perception.
Giving something everything you have is among the noblest things a human being can do. Choosing to view the outcome as secondary is even nobler. This begs me to ask the question: Was I afraid to fail or succeed?
There are moments when I'm filming or editing when I just can't believe I've created what I've created. It's overwhelming and I'm grateful for each and every person who believed in me along the way.
I'm grateful most of all for taking my mom's advice and searching in the dark. Because once you do find a path and are diligently pursuing passion, those moments when opportunity does actually knock are easier to recognize. One of those moments recently came in the form of a Facebook message from my friend Ben. It read, "I love your work. Are you interested in interviewing with the company I work for?"
Starting Wednesday November 5, I will be the newest addition to the CPXI family. My last day bar tending at Xes Lounge will be Tuesday November 4.
As I close one chapter of my life, I reflect on all the possibility surrounding us living in this country. There are certainly people much less fortunate without the luxuries I've chronicled in this post.
Thus I am grateful for every step along this journey that is my life.
Thank you to my second family:
the Staff of Xes Lounge (past and present) for your constant support and guidance
and
the Customers of Xes Lounge for above all else...
championing me.
One decade ago, I followed my college roommates to the Big Apple upon graduating from college in Savannah GA. Even the mention of my beloved Savannah draws me into a reflective tangent: It remains ingrained on my heart and soul as the backdrop of four magical and intense years of self discovery. I'm sure any collegiate experience is such, but if you've ever had the pleasure of visiting the historical city, you know how enchanting it truly is. Anyway back to New York.
At 22 years old I lacked focus. I half heartedly wanted to become an actor. So I followed my friend Cristin to bar tending school. It seemed like the logical step. "I'm an actor. " "What restaurant do you work for?"
Bar tending school was very easy for me. It was basically just a lot of memorization. So after my week of classes, I "graduated" and with my fake resume in hand I was ready to pound the NYC pavement looking for the coveted role as a New York City bar tender. My bar tending instructor recommended that I check out Xes Lounge.
I made my way over to 24th Street on a hot summer day with my fraudulent paperwork that described multiple Hudson Valley restaurant experiences. I was both nervous and confident. I remember meeting my boss Tony on the stairwell beside the newborn bar. The first thing he asked me was, "Are you fast?" With every ounce of my being I wanted to confess, " Listen, I have zero experience... but I'll learn fast and I'll bust my ass for you." Instead I looked him dead in the eyes and replied, " Yes sir."
The rest is history. Colorful, sometimes jubilant and hilarious history. And other times dismal, aggravating, lesson learning history. But history none the less.
Somewhere in the middle of my decade long safari through New York I found a passion for producing videos. I often say I stumbled upon this desire but that is not so. After being in and out of love and two relationships, I found myself twice broken hearted and utterly lost. I had no idea what I wanted in life. The only thing I did know was that I wanted to find something... anything to make me feel whole again.
I called my mom. And I'll never forget the advice she gave me. She said, "Opportunity doesn't always magically appear in front of us. Sometimes we have to take steps into the unknown to find a path worth following." I got off the phone with her that afternoon and thought about that. I really had no clue what I wanted. But I had faith that stepping into the unknown might just be what I needed. Thus, I reached out to a photographer whom I admired and asked if I could intern with him two days a week. His name is Rick Day and he gladly welcomed me on board.
At the same time I was interning with Rick, I also helped another friend Paul backstage of an off broadway show. Six months of still photography and off broadway crew work would not turn out to be my cup of tea. But one day, I picked up my little digital camera and began filming promotions for Xes Lounge. I remember finishing my first video. It was a two minute promo which featured a bunch of the staff. I must have watched it a hundred times. Each time I watched was like the first and that feeling... that high that I experienced while watching was indescribable.
Purpose. I had found and felt purpose.
Certainly we all have purpose. But to FEEL it and to FIND it in the act of doing something you love is the name of this game called life. You can quote me. I think that happiness is paramount, but in my opinion, finding purpose is so important on our individual paths towards bliss.
There was a "problem" here though. The more I delved into this process of video production the harder it became to bar tend. The bar seemed louder. My brain functioned slower and my patience, which I "brilliantly" slapped on my arm as a reminder, dwindled.
If life was black and white, I'd label my first five years bar tending White and the past five Black. Battling my own apathy, unfortunately became a regular function for me. And with that I turned into the stereotype I promised myself a decade ago that I'd never become: THE JADED BAR TENDER. Sure there were moments of fun left, but I'm sorry to say, they were few and far between. While bar tending, my body may have been present, but the hamster running the wheel in my head had certainly left the building... and with him my heart was carried.
Balance has never been easy for me and in a very natural way these shifts in my perception of the bar tending experience nudged me along.
While the battle of "Smile while serving drinks" was going on, there was another war being waged in my mind. The war of "You don't know what you're doing."
The first time I asked for a monetary compensation for my work, I was terrified. I had the great fortune of collaborating with the singer/songwriter Mike Acerbo. He was referred to me by a customer of Xes who had seen some of my promotional videos at the bar. Mike trusted my vision and my talent. He had faith in me despite my own masked insecurities. I'm so grateful.
Thereafter, each video project I took on was very unique. However, they shared one common denominator: FEAR. I don't know if it has to do with my hyper sensitivity but with each project I acquired, the responsibility of "success" grew heavier.
The person I was most afraid to disappoint was me.
Slowly becoming aware of this has helped, but it has yet to cure me of the great expectations I place upon myself.
Failure is a perception.
Giving something everything you have is among the noblest things a human being can do. Choosing to view the outcome as secondary is even nobler. This begs me to ask the question: Was I afraid to fail or succeed?
There are moments when I'm filming or editing when I just can't believe I've created what I've created. It's overwhelming and I'm grateful for each and every person who believed in me along the way.
I'm grateful most of all for taking my mom's advice and searching in the dark. Because once you do find a path and are diligently pursuing passion, those moments when opportunity does actually knock are easier to recognize. One of those moments recently came in the form of a Facebook message from my friend Ben. It read, "I love your work. Are you interested in interviewing with the company I work for?"
Starting Wednesday November 5, I will be the newest addition to the CPXI family. My last day bar tending at Xes Lounge will be Tuesday November 4.
As I close one chapter of my life, I reflect on all the possibility surrounding us living in this country. There are certainly people much less fortunate without the luxuries I've chronicled in this post.
Thus I am grateful for every step along this journey that is my life.
Thank you to my second family:
the Staff of Xes Lounge (past and present) for your constant support and guidance
and
the Customers of Xes Lounge for above all else...
championing me.
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