My brother advised me
over the weekend to sing... not literally, metaphorically. He insisted
that in some ways I've become closed off.
I can easily understand why he would observe this.
After
all, Frank Boccia is always searching... for love, for happiness, for
gratitude, for validation (mostly from within). And Frank Boccia is at
his best, it would seem to some, when he is reaching for all these
intangible phenomena. Aren't we all striving to be the best versions of ourselves?
But what happens when we find love? When we become happy? When we feel gratitude and have validation? What then?
Two years ago I was struggling. Emotionally and physically. Struggling emotionally because I was enduring yet another breakup and struggling physically because I had undergone shoulder surgery a year prior. BTW Neither of these afflictions were portrayed via Instagram.
A friend of mine was raving about a book that changed his life; a book entitled The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. After much resistance, I decided to read it. I was just tired of hearing about how happy he was, as it so starkly juxtaposed the state I was in. The book opened me up to a lot of things... mostly my own greatness and wholeness.
Little by little I began to unravel in the best way. I began meditating. This was very hard at first. Meditation is often called the classroom of silence. I began to see it as "needed quiet time with myself." I also began accepting invitations to meetings I normally would not go to. I met an incredible speaker named August Gold who inspired me and in many ways help guide me. Side note: She is also a big fan of The Untethered Soul.
Things just started adding up and making so much sense.
I felt love. I was happy. And mostly each morning I was grateful. I wasn't searching for these things. I was just feeling them. I surrounded myself with like minded people and the feelings only spread.
I also slowed down. I literally walked slower. This allowed me to take more in. I saw more faces. Smelled more roses. Smiled more. I began to understand what "slow and steady wins the race" really means. I pictured myself as the tortoise in the race, watching all the hares around me rush to the finish line letting all of the little moments pass them by.
It was around this time that my brother had noticed the change in me. I was calm, inspired, and optimistic.
In January 2014, the start of a new year, I began seeing the word blue a lot. I had produced a cover of Beyonce's song Blue with my talented friend Stephan Durell. I was listening to Into the Blue by Kylie Minogue. And a good friend had reached out describing himself as blue. I remember thinking, "How poetic." Then one Saturday morning I received a text from an old friend Blue Browning. We made plans to catch up over dinner and the rest is history.
Blue Browning is so many things.
My friend Dezi put it best. "Blue is so handsome that you just don't want to believe he's as nice as he seems." That's exactly how I felt when I first met him years ago. I thought, "This is too good to be true. Something is wrong here." So there's that. Blue is strikingly handsome and kind as well.
He's quick to compliment people. I find this to be a rare quality these days.
He's a lover and not a fighter. In two years, he has raised his voice once to me. If you know me, you're thinking two things:
1) Frank definitely deserved it!
2) Dealing with you he's only raised his voice once?!!!
He's strong in a way unlike I've ever encountered. I've only seen him cry twice (not that tears make a person weak). We went to a funeral this past summer and as I was introducing myself to one of the grieving family members, I was overcome with emotion and couldn't get the words out of my mouth. Blue quickly stepped in to finish the sentence for me so that I would not burst into tears. I was so grateful.
He is always up for an adventure, whatever it calls for.
He loves music with his whole heart and soul. Blasts it in our house at every chance he gets.
He has never once complained about visiting my family.
He always has a smile when he comes home from a busy day of work.
And he thinks I have "swagger."
To say I "lucked out" is the ultimate understatement.
When I look at my life I am in awe. I'm in awe of the blessings I've received. And I'm in awe of the lessons I continue to learn. My friend Bob has this great saying. He says, "We think life is like this: Then he motions his arm up and down. Up and down. But Life is like this: Then he motions his arm ALL OVER THE PLACE. Up. Down. Left. Right. Circle. Circle. Down. Up. Back. Forth." And I think Bob is so right.
Some of our dreams come true and it's pure bliss. And some of our dreams crumble and it's pure misery. But sometimes there are dreams that we never could've imagined for ourselves.
It wasn't until I slowed down that I began to really love life. Somewhere in the slowing down process I absorbed more out of my days and the people around me. I began to feel a connectedness. And in this space I found a reflection of that in another person.
So I'm going to take my brothers advice and sing:
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
